Goodwill Main St, Southaven

i went to the goodwill just over the border in southaven earlier this month. it seems like a bit of a trek to go all the way to mississippi just to go to a goodwill when there are like six in memphis proper, but this one's good and if you can get on the highway pretty quickly it actually doesn't take any longer to get here from midtown than it would to stage road. so there. suck it.

that's right, i said suck it.



plus, this place is bonkers, as i detailed in my first post about it earlier this year. these are... angry monkey statues, with little outfits. i would say your guess is as good as mine, but i can't even fathom the slightest fraction of a guess, so if you have one than it is not only AS good but is in fact BETTER than mine. congratulations. here is your cookie.



from the "feel free to kick yourself, NICE and hard" department: about a year ago i spotted, and proceeded to drool all over, a texas instruments TI-99/4A home computer, for all of seven bucks, but after much hand-wringing and general douchebaggery, elected not to buy it, because there "weren't any cartridges. waaaah." as if i was going to stop going to thrift stores or something. goes to show, people. lesson one, apparently i slept through the first day of class at thrift university:

YOU WILL FIND EVERYTHING, EVENTUALLY. i could have had a STACK of cartridges for that bad boy, for, what, i think like a dollar a pop, maybe less. oh well. it's only SORT of the most awesome thing you've ever seen, right? right?



this looks like it would hurt to use. this intense little contraption is something called a "VITAMASTER ROLLER MASSAGER" and apparently it used to be used by people with intense body shame who felt that repeatedly assaulting themselves with large wooden sticks would somehow fill the hole inside of them where their self-esteem would be. why this is not still in common usage is a mystery to me. maybe someone sued. it actually worked, too, surprise of all surprises, but i was too much of a wuss to actually try it out, without some indication of how i was exactly supposed to use it, because as i said earlier, this thing looks like it could seriously mess you up fun time.



i was, on this trip, not just entirely goofing around either, i happened to still need a few basic supplies for my most humble of abodes, one of which happened to be a pot strainer, and i happened to come across this bad little number, which resembles nothing quite so much as a miniature scimitar. so if hordes of marauding barbarians happen to attack while i'm in the middle of making myself some quick pasta, i'll be prepared. nice to know my boy scout training has come in so handy.



snagged these for the missus. who could resist?



SUPER QUIZ II: YOU THOUGHT SUPER QUIZ I WAS A COMPLETE MINDFUCK? GET A LOAD OF THIS SHIT.

that phrase is not actually contained anywhere in the packaging or promotional literature. i think i missed my true calling as a copywriter. i played through a couple rounds with some close friends the other night and can report that while it's a fun, if needlessly complicated little game, there is really no apparent connection, either directly stated or implied, between this game and the popular science fiction author whose name graces the box. if i had to guess i'd say they probably just sent him a letter saying something along the lines of "DEAR MR. ASIMOV CAN WE PUT YOUR NAME ON OUR BOX HERE IS A CHECK FOR SOME MONEY" and, like any good scifi author, he was like "uhhh, yeah! thanks for the money! wicked sweet!"

little known fact: isaac asimov invented the phrase "wicked sweet"



loves me some bittman. new york times columnist, prolific food writer, blogger, and author of probably the only cookbook you might ever need (aside from this one), mark bittman is one of the proud soldiers on the front lines of the war to keep food and cooking fun and accessible to people like me, who might eat boxed macaroni and cheese every day of their lives, if left to their own devices. read him.



and then there's this fucking thing. atomic arcade pinball, from the good people at TOMY. it was like three bucks, i bet it even worked, too. i reflexively snatched it up and put it in my cart, and carried it around for a while before it dawned on me that although $3 is a totally awesome price for something this vintage and sweet, the $13 i'd have to pay for a pack of batteries to get the damn thing to run (SOMETHING'S gotta power that score board, right?) was substantially less awesome. i realized i just liked how cool it looked, so before i put it back i took a few pictures







and basically felt okay about the whole thing. what i did NOT feel okay about, however, was this -



these people scare me. deeply, and profoundly. do you want to know what i think they're up to, right now? i'll tell you, in a sentence or less, for each of them.



rodeo clown (retired).



runs a stevie nicks webring.



STILL trying to get the band back together.



wife of a retired rodeo clown.



sex change.



i wish i knew more people who smoked. in a way, there's never been a better time to be a smoker. aside from the fact that you're becoming more and more of a social pariah with every passing day, and the economical and societal pressures to quit are at an all time peak, you've got to consider how many SWEET ashtrays there are floating around out there, as more and more of your brethren either kick the habit or are forced out of the game by rising overhead, caring family members, or the icy hand of death. i saw this AWESOME ashtray from "St. Bartholomaus" for like $2 but couldn't think of anyone to buy it for. pity.



say what you like about 80's electro-pop-r&b-whatever, but this is a pretty badass little tape. "the men all pause?" come on. some of you seem skeptical. watch this and tell me what you think.



i, uhhh... i don't know. guess it speaks for itself. you either find something like this interesting or you don't. nothing i can say one way or another is going to convince you. take it or leave it, folks.



as we were getting ready to leave, i took a spin by the vhs section, and after brushing off the half-inch of dust that had gathered on all of these poor old neglected tapes, managed to score like over a dozen movies for a buck a piece. i firmly maintain that vhs is the only valid format in which to watch the muppet movie, and if you disagree, then, as i said earlier...

suck it.

love

d