8/19/08 - Goodwill Stage Rd, Goodwill Austin Peay

hello again! welcome back to bitter/books, your one-stop source for everything disused, neglected, and otherwise AWESOME in memphis, tennessee. this week we bagged summer ave once again (i guess that is kind of over, i don't know...maybe not. maybe i'll finish up with some massive, like seven-store run in one day or something. i'll keep you posted) and hucklebucked it up to bartlett to two of our favorite goodwills, on stage rd and austin peay highway. it wasn't the most legendary trip, but far from a bust. laughs were had, lives were changed, board games were bought. i share it with you now in the spirit of brotherhood and friendship.

oh incidentally i just found out that austin peay is pronounced "austin pee" and the word meme is actually pronounced "meem," much to my chagrin. oh well. life goes on. AVANTI!

the usual suspects at the goodwill on stage road - they always have at least one or two pieces of hilarious furniture, along with your usual assortment of dismissible crap. OH MAN there was this huge greasy tweaker who wandered by a few times while the wife and i were checking out furniture and appliances and whatnot...man this dude was gross. smelled like a god damned barnyard. i was about to make some comment about the south but let's be real people, there's just as much of a chance of running into a world class freak like that in massachusetts as there is down here. no lie. what can i say about this guy? he was like a big overly tattooed baby, all way too fatty and with an overly roundish head and face and just stubbly and gross. something about just the visual image of this guy in my eyes made me feel like a gigantic dog was just slowly licking up the whole side of my body, while i shuddered in deep, profound, revulsion. does that make any sense? i hope not.

beautiful pattern on this couch, anyway

there was a strong, notable latino influence at this particular goodwill on this day. and by "strong influence" i mean there was a bunch of mexican crap and all kind of loud mexican kids running around and yelling in their strange talk and some truly, remarkably unattractive women cruising around. not to imply (or directly state in this instance i suppose) that mexican women are unattractive (although i guess that's basically what i'm saying here), it's just...look, i lived in texas for three years and spent a HELL of a lot of time in thrift stores, if anyone's qualified to speak on this subject i think i am. mexican women do not age well, by and large. some of them are gorgeous, some of them make me want to just fall down and die on the floor they're so beautiful, but by the time they hit 30 and have maybe had a kid or two, very very bad things are starting to happen. this is just an observation, based on the experience of a man who has spent a lot of time in a place. that's all. anyway the same principle applies to most of the white and black and asian and et cetera et cetera other kinds of people you see in thrift stores. these are people who are not exactly riding high on the proverbial hog of life, and it shows. hey, i'm there too, so what does that say about me?

share my frustration with me for a moment. i don't know if it's because i forgot to eat before we struck out for the hinterlands to go to these goodwills, or because we made a wrong turn and had to drive an extra like 40 FUCKING MINUTES just to get there, but i was having some trouble finding purchase on the rocky slopes of mt. goodwill, at first anyway. this is a picture of my anguish. i don't want to sound ungrateful or unhappy, because i genuinely enjoy this little project, which is good, since it's not like i'm receiving any financial compensation for my efforts or anything. but there are only so many pairs of khaki pants that you can look at in one lifetime before you have to start staving off the urge to eat a pile of death and take the proverbial dirtnap. WILL PEOPLE STOP WEARING THESE STUPID GOD DAMN PANTS FOR THE LOVE OF ALLAH/YAHWEH/BUDDHA/KRISHNA/CTHULHU. i went through a khaki phase myself, i know they're kind of cool and can even look good and be useful in certain circumstances but jesus okay if nothing else can we at least suspend production of any new pairs of khakis until the retardedly enormous backlog of them that has accumulated in every thrift store ever anywhere has at least started to show signs of diminishing? kthnx

speaking of enormous masses of clothes, i happened to glimpse over the back dividing wall thing of the store (avid readers will remember this is one of the godawful huge, airplane hangar sized stores that just drops a pegboard wall down to separate the front of the house from the back of the house - classy) and saw just literally a mountain of clothes, donations one would assume, all packed together into tight little bundles, presumably for sorting and dispersal at appropriate times. it struck a chord, deep down somewhere, in a way i still can't put my finger on...brought to mind auschwitz (if that's not ridiculous), or the tombs of pharaohs, or ozymandias, by shelley. something about that much life, that many worn items, that much residual psychic energy, all just bundled up into these huge blocks and stacked neatly in a gigantic hangar...i'm not kidding, i almost wept.


there were about three more of these rows, btw

this was the epitome of the stuff i love finding in thrift stores - kind of delightfully ugly, cheap and weird, and of no conceivable purpose that i could discern. topped, one might also observe, with the finest velcro, because, of course it is! why not? what the hell is this thing? ten bucks worth of awesome i guess

we called these things "mexican wedding shirts" for the longest time, until our stupid guero asses did a little research and found out they're "guayabera" shirts, named for their most prominent manufacturer, one would assume. everyone's seen these things, somewhere or other, everyone recognizes how pimp they are, well news flash people. they're in like every other thrift store i go to. the future is now dammit! get out there and get them! i think this should become the new "horn rimmed glasses on chicks" for the postcollegiate indie crowd. my vote, anyway.

this is kind of a terrible picture, but just to show the continuing influence of our friends and neighbors south of the border






also, all life is suffering, the source of suffering is attachment and desire, and the cessation of attachment is attainable through the noble eightfold path.


the belgians put in a strong showing as well


i also basically have nothing to say about this. this picture is really just for my mom.

so, again, not the most life-changing trip to the goodwill on stage rd that i've ever had, but it was marginally entertaining at least. we decided to shove off and try our luck at the goodwill on austin peay, which is but a scant few minutes away. say what you like about goodwill, and i'm not saying they're my favorite stores or anything, but the fact that they're open until 8 pm (!) during the week sort of puts them one step ahead of the competition, almost by default.

so just when you think you've seen it all...this was a first. full size massage table. didn't see a price on it but who cares? IT WAS A GOD DAMNED MASSAGE TABLE. one of those times when you have genuine cause to lament your own "mid to late twenties, shifting gears, still trying to establish yourself in the world"ed ness mainly because you don't have a large spacious home in which to put this damn thing. of course, it would need a solid week's worth of bombardment with bleach, febreze, and barkeeper's friend before i would even CONSIDER stripping down and laying myself out on it, but still. massage table. i'm sayin

cup stacking

big moment here for us, as this completes our collection. we now officially have every genus of trivial pursuit, one through five. we are monumental nerds, of course, but come on. deep down i know you respect that shit. we have the 20th anniversary edition too, although we threw away the board and the idiotic "card shoe" thing and just kept the pieces and the cards. we'd branch out and get the nineties edition too, but seeing as my dear beloved wife was homeschooled without cable television for a good chunk of said decade, it's near-impossible for her to play. anyway you're all more than welcome to drop by, step up to the plate and take a crack at the guy who is (arrogantly, unbelievably, officially, foolishly) declaring himself the best trivial pursuit player in the memphis metro region. yeah that's right i said that

don't we all

sometimes i really do love living in the south. this is bean art. these are two bean roosters that someone made and put in a frame. out of beans, you say?

yes, out of beans. beany bean beans. framed pictures of roosters, out of beans. oh, how do i love thee. let me count the ways

1. you are framed pictures of roosters, made out of beans

the end

tacking this on at the end, just because i happened to notice it on the way out and couldn't decide if it was amazing, or kind of dumb, if it was worth the two bucks or not, if i would put it on my desk or mantel (if i had one) or if it was kind of too stupid and embarrassing to show strangers...the jury's still out, to me, but anyway. i will just show it to you all and let you draw your own conclusions

and speaking of conclusions, that's gonna do it for this week. i feel as if i should say something else here but i cannot think of what.

there is a fortune from a chinese restaurant fortune cookie taped to my monitor right now. it says "the respect and help of influential people will soon be yours." oprah?



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