Goodwill Bonanza pt 1/3

i went nuts at 3 goodwills in one day a couple months ago. here are some highlights.

vintage board games always tickle me pink. i find the suggestion that playing the game "operation" requires any real measure of anything that could be described as "skill" rather ludicrous, but i'll let it slide because the box is adorable looking. i wish actual surgery was half this cool, i'd be in the hospital every other fucking week. why can i not shake the nagging certainty that everyone involved in the design and construction of this game was just CONSTANTLY ripped to the tits? was everyone pretty much hammered all the time back in 1965? i'd like to think so. it was a gentler age.

i'm not gonna lie, it's been like three months since i took these pictures, and i really can't remember why i photographed this. it's a whole bunch of plastic flowers, that much is for sure. sure is a whole lotta plastic flowers. moving on.

too broke for jenga? try this crap!

this is so money it should be confiscated by the secret service. i wanted to high five it. it brings all the boys to the yard. chuck norris only wishes. it's my dad.

this first batch of pictures was taken at the goodwill out on austin peay in bartlett - nice place, and like most of the suburban goodwills it's the size of a fucking airplane hangar, high ceilings and all, and i guess in lieu of any real HVAC system they use these industrial size blast fans to keep the air moving around in there during the warmer months (even though it wasn't on when i took this picture). they used to have one almost this size at the goodwill on highland over by the university, which always made me laugh because that store is the size of a walk in closet compared to the behemoths out in the boonies and when they would turn the fan on it would be so loud that everyone working in the front half of the store would have to scream at earsplitting volume just to be able to hear each other, and the women's clothes up by the front would basically be flapping sideways in the wind like flags in a fucking hurricane, small children would just go flying if they meandered in the path of the fan, etc... priceless. anyway.

FOR A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON'S HAT, in case you were curious. i've never wanted to own a top hat so badly in my fucking life. i guess i just want a hat that's important enough to deserve its own box, or case. full disclosure, i have kind of a huge melon head and it's a royal pain in the ass for me to find a decent fitting hat most of the time, so i generally avoid the subject altogether, except in very specific instances, one of which you'll be seeing in a minute.

my most ridiculous hat-related story (not that you asked) concerns a trip to london to visit a friend of mine who was spending a year abroad while we were both in college. for some stupid reason i had fixated on finding a nice bowler hat for myself while i was over there, kind of as a trophy or a souvenir of my journey, and partially just because i wanted a hat like that real bad. anyway after wasting lord only knows how much time that i could have spent in the pubs traipsing around london in an increasingly vain and futile search for this fucking thing, i finally found a hat shop on the high street that carried bowlers in the ludicrously big sizes that i needed, only to find that even the LARGEST ONE THEY HAD IN THE STORE didn't quite cover my gargantuan cranium in the appropriate manner, but they offered to TAKE IT IN THE BACK FOR ME AND STRETCH IT OUT which i was simultaneously appalled and touched by, so i went ahead and did that and even when they brought it back it STILL DIDN'T FIT but i was so embarrassed by that point that i bought it anyway, also because i had like five people with me and i was totally on the spot and it was awful. not to mention that it cost like 200 bucks (i'm not kidding) and every time i wore it (i kept it for years, mostly out of embarrassment) it left a huge red streak across my forehead from where the band would dig into my flesh. it got irretrievably dented one time while i was moving from apartment to various apartment, and i threw it away. i didn't exactly shed tears over that one.

what the hell was i talking about? oh, right. check out evil santa over here. kind of seasonally appropriate now, but bear in mind again that i took these pictures in august. makes it even a little more creepy, i think.

i love when this stuff ends up in thrift stores. there's a story here that i'll never get to know, but i know that it exists regardless and i love that fact. i love that they chose to brand a blood pressure pump with boner pills. i can imagine this thing being used in association with its endorsing product in so many various, sundry, silly ways that i'm smiling to myself right now just at the prospect. i can't explain it, i guess. it's just great.

so here's the hat i mentioned earlier. there was a brief period this past summer when i thought i was going to be moving to the country next year (and probably eating a lot of peaches, yes) to more or less live off the land - long story. anyway i figured my usual togs weren't going to cut it (2 piece suit not really being farm-appropriate clothing, natch) so my wardrobe took a sharp left turn in favor of western shirts and sturdier things like that, including a decent sized straw hat so i wouldn't bake in the sun. laugh all you want (i know i would) but i was really serious about this for a while and it would have made perfect sense to have a hat like this if i was really going to be outside working in the garden on hot wisconsin afternoons. i still wish i was going to be doing that.

i think i look pretty damn good in this fucking hat. farmer dave, over here. i've still got it.

this was odd, although i did a poor job of highlighting the part of the picture you need to look at, which is that blue piece of paper taped to the front of the subwoofer on this multi-dvd changer player home entertainment system thing. it's a print out of the product listing from panasonic's web site - this might be getting into a little bit more of the minutiae of the ins and outs of the internal workings of the goodwill organization than most of you are probably interested in, but when you spend as much time in these stores as i do you can't help but start to wonder what's going on behind the scenes. i'd be lying if i said i'd never considered trying to get a job at one of these places just to see what it looks like from the other side (and also for the sweet discount, if there is one), although i think if i had to listen to that much WRVR i'd probably shoot myself and a couple other people too. anyway i just could not for the life of me parse out if they had done this after this thing had been donated, like to verify its value or justify the price tag they'd put on it, or if it had come that way from wherever it was donated from, or what exactly the whole story was with that. like i said, probably not the most fascinating thing in the world to most folks, but it caught my eye, only because i couldn't quite figure it out, i suppose.

also don't know why i took a picture of this. lots of vcrs and shit! wow!

stuff like this always makes me think of the massive landfills full of old disused computer components that are steadily accumulating in places like China. last i heard they'd taken to just burning the shit, which, yeah, that's a real neat idea. don't know what else to do with all this plastic and metal and circuitry? let's fucking set it on fire! that ALWAYS works out for the best! ah, china. just because you're like the oldest civilization on the planet doesn't mean you DON'T have your head up your ass too.

i wanted this so damn bad, partially to use on the farm (we already have one, though) and partially just because you never see these things. know what it is? it's a drill. it's a hand crank drill, you hold the middle and put a bit in the chuck on the bottom and crank the top and voila! that's how they did it before power tools. i think that is so rugged and badass and even though i'd use an electric drill 100 times out of 100 if i had the choice, i still respect this stuff do damn much. i've probably babbled on at length about this before but i spent my summers as a kid with my folks out in the middle of nowhere in west central WI where we had this land with cabins and stuff and no electricity or plumbing or phones or whatever and it really instilled a kind of "what do you do when the power goes out" mentality in me that persists to this day. like i said, i'm no technophobe and if gadgets or power tools or whatever make my life easier then i say rah rah and hooray to that, but there's always this kind of fallback thing in my head of how to get by without all the trappings and conveniences that most folks (myself included, from time to time) take for granted. don't get me wrong, in no way do i think that those tendencies are any kind of measure of depth or quality of someone's personality, i find nothing more tedious than people who think an interest in "going back to the land" automatically puts you right up there with Thoreau in terms of insight and realness... it's just something about me that makes me really like drills.


further adventures in very confusing things - 5 bamboo tubes, of varying length and thickness, all slightly cracked. they don't appear to have ever had any practical purpose, although the fact that they're all cracked makes me think that someone donated them after they started to crack, which meant they were no longer useful as whatever they were being used as before, which means at some point they DID have a function, which is of course impossible, so therefore i conclude that nothing is everything and existence is meaningless and it's time for a cocktail. "Socrates' Conundrum," they called that one in philosophy class, if memory serves.

oh it was TORTURE trying to figure out whether or not to buy this thing! me and the partner in crime must have stood there for 15 minutes trying to parse out whether or not this was worth jumping on. it's a pot rack, the kind you hang from the ceiling on chains, in case you were wondering, and it was more or less sturdy and more or less intact but in the end we decided to pass and i think we did the right thing, it wasn't quite exactly what we were looking for at the time and things have changed since then anyway so i'm glad we didn't get it, but you know what it's like when you totally sweat something forever and then you see something that's KIND OF exactly what you're looking for but not quite but it's really cheap so you think you should get it anyway just because how often do you ever see these damn things to begin with? yeah, that's what it was like. god, it was awful though, the deliberation! even looking at this picture hurts. gaaaah!

also passed on - badass labeled mason jars. the rubber was a little crusty looking and i realized you can get lighter, cheaper, better containers at your local restaurant supply emporium anyway that don't have labels on them so i passed. these are still pretty pimp though, jars that have the BALLS to tell YOU what to put in THEM! i wish more kitchen ware would stand up for itself like that.

i did get these however. really heavy duty thick lined winter boots are kind of a rarity in this part of the country and even though i'm probably not off to the woods any more i'm still glad i have these because aside from the sweet combat boots i got at beloved value village in houston several years ago i really don't have any "sturdy" footwear, so the next time there's a blizzard (could happen) i'll be all set in the shoe dept. good to know.

yeah, kind of a "camping" theme to this particular outing, in case you hadn't noticed. these could just as easily double as neat little porch or patio chairs, though. cheap, too.

also kind of a "nasty roof runoff rainwater in a bucket" theme to this particular outing, although i suppose that's really more of a recurring theme through many of my journeys to secondhand stores, all across this great nation of ours (including hawaii). whatever. weeds out the weak-willed, more goodies for me.

i'm feeling especially loquacious today for some godforsaken reason so i'm gonna cut it off here and pick up with the next goodwill (pt 2 of 3) when i've got a little more time and wherewithal to do it justice. in the meantime...

this one goes out to the one i love.

take care of yourself kids



Leslie said...

I have a big, embarrassing head, too.

Del said...

Likewise, I also have a sizable noggin which is good I suppose since the rest of me is sizable as well. More often than not though, I am able to find headgear without much issue.

On a potentially less pleasant note, did the straw hat happen to possess a tag within or anything that would indicate that it was indeed a hat? I ask because it looks suspiciously like the inexpensive baskets commonly used for houseplants. Remember those plastic flower pots that turned out to be bed risers? I'm wondering if this isn't the same thing, vice versa so to speak.

dave said...

HAHAHAHA oh my god you're right. well, there you go, internet. a bunch of pictures of me wearing a fucking wicker basket on my head, assuming it was a hat just because it fit on my giant noggin. now i HAVE to keep the fucking thing. your position as resident fact checker upper is secure as ever.